Thursday, May 26, 2022

Dating A People Pleaser: The Dangers

Honest Reasons For Dating a People pleaser

One of the cardinal truths of life is ‘You can’t please all’. However, there are quite a handful of people in this world whose motto in life is to please each and every one and find acceptance in everyone’s eyes. Dating a people pleaser is a danger in disguise. Partners with the disease to please will not only ruin your relationship but can also cause irreparable damage to your self-belief, confidence, and respect.

People pleaser persons are not trustworthy. They have a habit of lying more often than not to please other people. They manipulate and adjust themselves according to the nature of their audience and their different requirements.

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Such people project a false and imaginary version of their self to make people happy and impressed with their personality. It poses a danger to picking such people for a relationship.

These people have been infamously nicknamed as the ultimate shape-shifters and are known for their ever-changing postures which cast as per the requirement of the situation.

It may be debatable why such people are unfit for making a relationship when they make such all-out efforts to make everyone happy. Let us participate in the debate and find out why dating a people pleaser is not advisable:

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1. People Pleasers Have No Strength Of Character

We strive to make a relationship work with mutual effort. A strong character is the foundation of a successful and trustworthy person. People pleaser persons always indulge in falsehood. They say utterly fallacious things about a person to ensure the person’s happiness. However, in doing so, such persons are committing a grave crime.

They do not and cannot remain true and faithful to themselves anymore. The unusual nature of their character reveals the artificiality and the fakeness of their personality.

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A person who changes his viewpoint like a chameleon at the drop of a hat cannot trust for a serious relationship. A person without any resolution is a danger to society, and people should maintain a safe distance from such persons who have no strength of character.

2. Indecisiveness Is The Hallmark Of People Pleasers

Decision-making is a job that may invite your partner’s wrath if it goes wrong. It will also involve your partner’s disapproval or displeasure if the decision is unwelcome to your partner. A person who spends his whole life trying to please other people will never try to make a decision all by him.

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Such people will always try to pass the burden of any decision-making to their partners. Initially, you may feel comfortable with the idea of taking all the decisions involving your relationship all by yourself. However, over time, the obligation of carrying such a responsibility single-handedly feels tiresome, heavy, and lonely.

The most undesirable part of making a relationship with a people pleaser is their indecisive nature and passing the burden of decision-making to their partner.

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3. They Shift Their Allegiance according To Their Convenience

These people have a habit of praising and pleasing others. After getting into a relationship with people-pleasers, it may so happen that, you may no longer fit into their scheme of things and their loyalty may waver to some other person.

Pleasing someone else takes precedence over pleasing you, and you no longer remain important for them. Their faithfulness falters according to their convenience, and you may be left feeling abandoned and cheated.

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4. Their Apparent Easy Going And Laid Back Attitude Bursts Into Flames At Times

People pleaser persons at times seem wonderfully laid back with a cool and calm easy-going attitude. You may feel happy and confident about the status of your relationship and perhaps develop a false notion that your partner is in consonance of your decisions.

However, you may get a bolt out of the blue when your partner suddenly and randomly starts complaining about all the sufferings and sacrifices; he/she had to make to go with your decisions.

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After seeing their sudden outburst, you may start wondering about the length of time your partner has been holding such grudges, and in the process, you may begin feeling cheated and betrayed. Those sudden outbursts shake the very base of a relationship and have the potential to completely ruin the same.

5. People Pleasers Will Say Only What You Like To Hear

Pleasing people at any cost is the motto of people pleasers. You would not be able to ascertain an honest opinion about you from such persons. You will only get to hear the good things about yourself and will not be in a position to judge yourself from your partner’s projection about you.

A false belief of superiority may overpower your conscience by the misrepresented image of you created by your people pleaser partner. Without a reliable source of true representation, your inflated ego may cause irreversible damage to your relationship, your life, and your self-respect.

6. They Take All The Credit And make you The Villain

Without taking any responsibility for decision-making, these people take all the credit for themselves when everything goes well. However, they seem crestfallen when a decision goes wrong, blaming and abusing you for the goof up. They play the victim card into perfection when cornered and make you responsible for all the harm.

Whatever may be the dangers of dating a people-pleaser, all is lost for them. They are like this by nature and have been doing the act of people-pleaser habitually since childhood.

We have to be very patient in dealing with these persons. You have to be open, truthful, and diplomatic at the same time during your conversation with your people pleaser partner.

Make them understand their mistake with an unbiased, open-minded approach. With proper counseling, they will respond to your effort in a positive way and may try to mend their ways for good.



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