How To Choose The Right Partner
We all go through life selecting many things, what job & career we will do, where we will live, our friends, what hobbies we have. But then we come to the seemingly elusive choice, selecting a compatible partner. You would think in a world of billions of people, most of us living in cities, that it would be easy! Of course it is not as many of us singles know!
Perhaps it is this very impersonal nature of fast living of many of us that makes finding a partner harder than it should be. Add to this the media’s (TV, radio, Internet and Hollywood’s) rather simplistic view that everyone finds us popular and singles are waving flags to signal their availability and interest!
I might add I am not talking about night clubs and bars where singles fall into each other arms whether mismatched or matched and end up having either disastrous relationships or one night stands leading to disappointment long-term.
Throw in the ethos that we are told as consumers to want and have the very best then it is bound to end in imperfect matches as people seek out the perfect partner, super human in every aspect, a totally unrealistic version of a partner that perhaps does not even exist at all!
So how do you practically go about meeting your mate and I don’t mean pay thousands of dollars to some dating agency. That might work but let’s look at more affordable and pragmatic ways to meet the possible person of your dreams!
Self Evaluation For A Relationship
First, before you do this you need to do an evaluation of yourself. This includes your values and goals in life, what means the most to you, your family, time with that special partner, travel, security, trust, there are so many things to consider. But if you do this it will help clarify what you want out of life and what you seek to share with a long-term partner.
So many people just rush into relationships based on that first starry eyed love at first sight or a pregnancy comes along that brings them together indefinitely. Think about what you want and try and discuss this when you know that things are getting serious with the other person. So many of us, even intelligent human beings and especially men make assumptions about relationships.
If we only said them out loud instead of assuming the other person knew what we were thinking we would all be a lot better off. That is not to say that women don’t make assumptions but they tend to express themselves emotionally much easier and earlier in a relationship. As men we need to tell the woman exactly where we are coming from so she is not double guessing us or in the dark entirely all the time!
Closely related to this is make sure that the other person feels the same! Again assumptions by either one of you can lead to confusion, disappointment and unrequited love for one of you, not something either of you want!
Now let’s turn to how both sexes can find a compatible mate. Let’s see it as a fun project rather than a mission or a chore! Here is a list of proven techniques for meeting compatible partners.
10 Tips To Choose The Right Partner
#1. Common Places
Go to places where you know you would meet the type of person you are looking for. If you seek someone who is into the arts and culture you are more likely to find them at an art gallery exhibit opening then at a Friday night all you can drink bar!
An art gallery opening – more appropriate if you are seeking a partner who appreciates the finer things in life and cultural activities.
If you know you love sport and want a sporting partner join sports clubs. The great thing about sports is that it is informal but physical and usually people feel most confident and positive when doing sports.
Yoga class – why not combine a new healthy hobby and take part in a mixed sex yoga class, a great, fun way to meet both new friends and a new potential partner!
#2. Be Frank
Be open to being introduced to people via friends and family. Do ask a bit about them first so you know there might be some compatibility. These days there are a lot of divorced and separated people. Be open to dating these especially if you are in your late thirties or forties. Many people find they unexpectedly single again and yet still are actively seeking a partner since they are relatively young in years and have another lifetime to live!
#3. Dress Well
Dress and act the way you want to be perceived by a potential partner. This also reflects how they may dress and act. For example if you like partners who are smart and stylish, dress that way. If you are more down to earth and want someone who is not into brands then wear your jeans and a smart shirt or a modest casual dress.
Sometimes opposites may attract but certainly dress and act how you feel most natural. This is when you will appeal the most to people. There is nothing more attractive than someone who is comfortable in their own clothes and wears them well. People when they select clothes they don’t like or don’t suit stand out like a sore thumb!
#4. Cultivate Good Manners
Any person you date will appreciate good old fashioned good manners. This includes how you treat your friends too since your potential partner may be looking at how you treat your friends with respect to assess your compatibility.
#5. Enjoy Your Own Solitude
Yes this may seem strange but to appear attractive and not desperate, you need to cultivate the ability to enjoy your own company, whether that be reading a good book, taking a walk on your own or having hobbies like swimming which you do alone.
This gives you that healthy sense of independence that is essential for maintaining a healthy partnership when you become involved. There is nothing more of a turn off than a date who has no outside interests, no passions of their own.
The life of a couple cannot revolve only around them; they both need their own separate lives right from the beginning. Of course there will be negotiation as the couple become more involved and live together but they still need a degree of “separateness”.
#6. Take Interest
Ask your date about them, without making it seem like a quiz show! Show you are interested and repeat back what they have said to build rapport. Also to confirm you have gotten what they said correctly. Hobbies and interests are really important questions since you can tell a lot about people from this. You can also determine if the two of you have lots in common and potential activities for future dates.
#7. Avoid Politics, Religion & Contentious Issues
These can be relationship breakers and it is better to build a relationship first and then see if your relationship can withstand any potential differences of opinion. It is surprising what some couples can live with in terms of different views, opinions and beliefs once they have become involved in a solid relationship.
#8. Be Open-Minded
Be open to the scope of type of people you date. You just might be screening out the “wrong type” that in fact may be the right type for you after all. How can you know if you don’t try spending time with them? Again opposites often attract.
Similar to this don’t think because you are not the most attractive guy or girl that a good looking person will not go out with you. They may be far more interested in what you are as a person, your brain, your intelligence, your wit or your values in life.
They after all can’t help it they are attractive from a worldly point of view. Just be open to all types of people when it comes to dating.
Do of course use your instinct and be honest when the person is simply not right for you. If you have to let them down, do it nicely. We are all in this human race together. We all carry enough hurt and baggage and don’t need more! So gently let them know that you feel the two of you are not a match or are not compatible. Beating around the bush and not telling them early will only cause hurt for them and awkwardness for the both of you!
#9. New Hobbies
Take up new hobbies and sports to meet a wider variety of people. Even if you meet some new friends this will expand your scope in meeting potential partners. It will also give you more confidence which will make you more confident and attractive to any would be suitors.
#10. Don’t Give Up The Game of Love
Never, ever give up the hope you will meet someone. Phil Collins, the great British solo singer and ex-Genesis member sang the song “You Can’t Hurry Love”. Remember too as consolation many people rush into love just to avoid being single.
They too may not feel they have met their partner and so the illusion that everyone is coupled up and happy together perpetuates the myth that love has passed you by. It hasn’t! It is just the law of the world that some of us have to wait a little longer than others to find our true love!