Back In The Market: 10 Tips To Start Dating Again After A Breakup

How To Get Over A Breakup?

Getting over a breakup is hard work. But as time goes on, you’ll start to think maybe you should get back to dating. Or maybe friends and family keep bringing up Cousin Joe’s daughter (“such a sweet girl”) or the neighbor’s nephew who’s in law school (“a promising future!”).

If you’re thinking about mixing it up again and finding a new girlfriend or a boyfriend, keep these dating tips in mind. You’ll be glad you did.

#1. Be OK with being single

If you’re going to attract a great new soul mate, you also need to be comfortable with your single life. It might seem counter-intuitive, but if you need another person to bolster your self-esteem and keep you from being alone on weekends, you’ll reek of desperation and drive great dates away in droves.

When you’re really ready to start dating again, you’ll be OK with spending an evening alone. You won’t see your self worth in terms of a significant other.

#2. Go slowly

When you’re ready, don’t go sign up for 50 online dating sites and book up your calendar. Take it slowly and see how you feel. Dating might stress you out for a while, so give yourself time to get used to it again.

#3. Get out there, whether you have a date or not

Now that you’re open to new relationships, don’t feel that you have to have a formal date in order meet new people. Join a club for something you love. Or join a team for your favorite sport. You’ll have a great time while meeting new people. And your new friendships may well lead to a romance.

#4. Spend time with groups of friends

Another way to get out there is to just go out with friends, especially groups. It doesn’t have to be a group of singletons. You can hang with married couples or mixed groups. If you meet someone you like in these groups, it’s a great chance to flirt. You can get used to engaging the opposite sex without having to jump straight to the one-on-one date.

#5. Open up to new types

You may have a “type” that you gravitate toward. But getting back into the market gives you a chance to try out some other types. If you usually go for the brash, sporty type, try the silent, thoughtful type. You might find a real gem, and if your ex was your favorite type, maybe another personality is a better fit for you. Find out if he actually is Mr. Right!

#6. But don’t lower your standards

Widening your options, however, does not mean lowering your standards. Don’t bother with dates who are disrespectful, desperate, or inappropriate. If you think you need to put up with losers in order to have a date at all, then do some more healing before you star dating.

#7. Leave the history in the past

When you’re out with your new dates, don’t spend any time reviewing your breakup. This is past history. It’s not relevant to your budding friendship, and it’s downright depressing. If you’re truly healed, you won’t feel the need to discuss your old relationship.

#8. Make sure you’re ready

Before you can really date, you need to make sure you’ve healed from your breakup. Make sure you’re not harboring bitterness toward your ex or yourself. You should be able to think about your old relationship calmly. You should feel OK admitting your role in the breakup without hating yourself or your ex.

#9. Drop your timelines and expectations

You may have an idea of getting back into a relationship in the next year. Or you might have expectations for how you want a relationship to proceed. Do you expect a kiss the first night or sex after four dates? You’ll have specific expectations for your evening as well.

You’ll want everything to go perfectly – no spaghetti sauce on the shirt, no ants at the picnic. These expectations are completely normal, but if you can learn to drop them all and just roll with whatever is going on, you’ll find yourself much more relaxed. You’ll be more natural, accepting and attractive as you get to know your date.

#10. Focus on having fun

The most important thing about dating is to have a great time. If you’ve come out of a long-term relationship, your brain will be full of worry about the future. At one moment you’ll envision yourself in rapturous love and another you’ll see your heart stomped on the ground.

If you catch yourself worrying about the future, refocus on the present and the fun you can have right now. It’s just a date and no matter what happens tomorrow, you can have a great time tonight. That’s all that matters.

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