7 Questions To Ask Before Dating Your Ex
Should you date your ex again? How do you know if you should give your ex boy friend or girlfriend another chance or if you should just move on? Here are some dating tips and questions to ask yourself when deciding whether or not you should date your ex.
#1. Are you ready?
The thing about dating your ex rather than dating someone new is you know what you are getting into. So think about this long and hard. Are you ready and willing to do deal with their quirks and their baggage again? Are you over the past hurt? Did you give yourself enough time to heal and do you forgive them and yourself for the break up? If you bring old issues or past anger into this new relationship then it won’t work. So make sure you are ready to enter this relationship again. Make sure you are ready to be in any relationship and that you are ready to love. Opening yourself up to another person isn’t easy. Trusting again can be hard. If you are not ready, then give yourself more time to heal and work on yourself.
#2. How are you feeling?
It is true what they say that you can’t love anyone else if you don’t love yourself. Be honest with yourself and with your ex. Work through the problems that broke you up. You have to be confident and secure to get into a relationship. This is even more necessary when you are going back to an ex because they know how to push your buttons. Are feeling emotionally secure and confident enough to be in a relationship especially one where you may have to work even harder to resolve issues?
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#3. What caused the break up?
You need to own up to your part in the break up and see if you can fix what you did wrong. Also are you willing to work with your ex on whatever problems you two had together? Do you think you can honestly move forward and not dwell on the past and the problems? You both need to honestly assess what caused you to break up and if this problem will reoccur. You need to enter into this relationship like it is a new relationship. Don’t bring up the past. Make sure you are willing to fully commit to the present and start anew.
#4. Why do you want them back?
Do you want them back because you are lonely and miss them? Or do you want them back because you love them and truly can’t imagine living without them? You don’t want to get back into a relationship with your ex out of need or desperation. You want to get back with your ex because you made a mistake when you let them go. You want to get back with your ex because you want him or her. But if you let them go for good reason and you are simply rethinking the break up because you are afraid of being alone then take some more time. Do you really miss them or the idea of them? Do you miss them or do you miss having someone, anyone? Are you sure you are over the hurt? Did they really hurt you such as cheating on you or hitting you? Then are you sure you want them back?
#5. How would it be different this time?
What has changed? Look at what has changed with both people and the situation and make sure things are different and you are both prepared to try to make it work. Make sure that the reason you broke up is addressed and really looked at to see that you can make it work this time. Otherwise how can the relationship be successful this time if nothing has really changed? Don’t listen to the same old promises with out actions to back them up. Likewise don’t make promises that you are willing, ready and able to commit to and follow through on.
#6. How long have you been separated?
If you got together when you were younger and it has been years since you have been together and things have changed and you want to re-explore your relationship this is definitely understandable and a great reason to try again. Also if one of you had an issue that you have worked on, got help or counseling (maybe an addiction problem or even if one of you cheated for example) and time has passed and you want to try again. Then just make sure you both have addressed the problem and made changes. You want to make sure you are both ready to start over and that the issue won’t happen again. But if they clearly have been sober and have been working on themselves and things have changed then it may be worth revisiting.
If you have not been broken up long, then are you even really broken up? Do you tend to do this – break up and get back together quickly? Is this your most recent fight and the result is you break up and then get back together? Then think through if you both want to keep this drama up. Maybe you guys should go to couples counseling or work on what keeps causing you to break up and fight.
#7. Are you both in it for the right reasons?
Make sure this is not just a booty call or a quick hook up for one of you. If it is a hook up then make sure you both want the same thing so that no one gets hurt. Make sure you both fully address what you want this time around and what you don’t want. Communication and trust are the keys to any good relationship. So be honest with each other from the beginning. The good thing is you know one another and should be comfortable talking about yourselves and your issues. Also don’t get back with your ex to just use them until something else comes along.
Be careful when dating an ex, take things slow. Try to approach it as if you were dating someone new. Get to know each other and let the sexual intimacy grow. Don’t jump right back into bed with them. Don’t have high expectations. You do know this person. While you want to approach this as if it is a new relationship, you don’t want to assume they are a completely different person. They probably didn’t change all that much since you last dated. Be clear on what you expect of them this time around.
Communicate what you want out of him or her and what you don’t want in your new relationship. Hear their wants and expectations as well. Relive the good times and try to forget about the bad stuff. Remember why you got back together but don’t dwell on why you broke up. Focus on the good not the bad and always remember to give them the benefit of doubt. After all if you have weighed your options and decided to get back with them because you felt like it was right for you then give it a chance. Once you made your choice go for it. There is a reason you keep trying with them. They may be the one you spend the rest of your life with. So make sure you allow this opportunity to have the chance it needs. Love and happiness is worth working for.