8 Ways To Break Up With Class
Most relationships in your life will end in a break up. As your looking for that one long-term commitment, it’s natural that you’ll go through many loves that don’t make it in the end.
If you’ve realized that your current partnership isn’t working, then you’re planning a break up. But how can you break up with minimum drama and maximum class? Follow these tips to navigate the tricky roads of Splitsville.
#1. Before you make a break, understand why you’re leaving
Are you just annoyed or is there a pattern of behavior that you cannot live with any longer? Maybe you’ve been together for a while and your attachment is weakening instead of strengthening. Was there anything your mate did that warrants an immediate break up, such as physical abuse, emotional blackmail or cheating?
The key is that if you decide to end a relationship, you need to be very clear on why you are doing it. Never use a breakup as a strategy to get something you want from your mate. That approach is manipulative, and it will never result in a strong partnership.
#2. Let your partner know how you feel even before you formally split.
Your breakup shouldn’t be a surprise. Tell your mate that you cannot continue in the relationship as it is. If you think you two might be able to make some changes that would save the relationship, see if you can come up with a plan for change.
Don’t work on it forever, however. If you’ve been trying to improve the situation for a while with no success, or if your partner refuses to work with you, go ahead for the formal separation.
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#3. Talk with your partner at an appropriate time and place
Don’t break up just before your lover is about to pitch in the championship game. Find a quiet time when you both can focus. Take your time with your girlfriend or boyfriend. They may have a lot of questions.
They may want to negotiate to get you back. Don’t tell them that maybe in the future you can get back together, even if you’re trying to make them feel better. Once you decide to leave, stand firm with your decision, but have patience as your new ex works through the situation.
#4. Break up in person
If you’re particularly shy of conflict, you may be tempted to break up with a letter or even worse, a text or email. Do not go down this path. Give your partner the consideration of a face-to-face conversation.
You’ll have a much easier time convincing your mate of how you feel when you can look in their eyes. If you have a hard time expressing yourself, feel free to write down what you want to say. Just be sure to read it aloud in person.
#5. Take the high road
You’ve decided to leave the relationship and your ex will be understandably upset. They may fling insults at you, throw a tantrum, or spread snarky rumors to your friends. Their immaturity may be the reason you’re leaving in the first place, but don’t drop to that level yourself.
Stay calm and steady in your decision, but don’t throw insults back or trash-talk your ex to everyone you know. If you need to share relationship horror stories with you best friend, go ahead and get it off your chest. Just ask your friend to keep it in the vault.
#6. Be appreciative if your partner takes the news calmly
Even though you’re no longer a pair, if your partner makes the break up easy on you by taking the news maturely, let them know that you appreciate their efforts. If you two can continue to treat each other like humans, you’ll suffer much less harm from the split.
#7. Let your partner get started healing right away
Once you’ve had the break up conversation, get out of your ex’s life as much as possible. Be ready to move out of a shared home immediately.
Don’t go to places where your ex is likely to be. Don’t try to help them heal. You are the source of the pain; you cannot help them heal. Just step back and get started rebuilding your own life.
#8. Hold the line
Your ex may call or send emails in an attempt to get you back. You’ll probably feel some sympathy toward them as a result, but don’t waver in your conviction. Your best response is no response. Your ex might try to get a face-to-face conversation to beg for your return.
Just calmly repeat your reasons for leaving and shut the conversation down as quickly as possible. If you think your ex may get dangerous, tell family, friends and police and take any measures you feel necessary, such as changing your phone and email.
If you’ve followed these tips, you should make it through the break up and be ready to start dating again. However, don’t underestimate how much stress you’ll feel. Even though you’re the one leaving, you’ll still feel a lot of tension from the emotion of the process and from a major change in your life.
Give yourself time to heal and truly forgive yourself and your ex before you start dating again. If you’ve handled the separation with class, you’ll both have a much easier time getting over it.