How To Deal With A Divorce?
Nothing disrupts your life like the dissolution of your marriage. Even if you have grown apart from your spouse, you still shared most of your lives with each other and divorce will cause all of that to change. It’ll bring along with it pain, guilt, grief and bitterness. How can you make it through a divorce and get back to a normal life?
#1. First of all, let go of your expectations
If you’re going through a divorce, then life has not turned out as you planned it. Much of the pain you’re feeling comes from the fact that you are comparing your life to what you expected it to be.
Don’t dwell on how different things turned out. Just accept your life for what it is right now. Look at the great things you do have – kids, family, friends, a great job.
#2. Let go also of your expectations for your recovery
Don’t dictate to yourself what you should be feeling, when you should be feeling it or how quickly you should be back on your feet. Everyone is different and even if the divorce is amicable, you’ll go through a process of grief for the loss.
It’s a natural response to the major change in your life. Just forget the future. Let go. Accept what is happening and what you’re feeling and focus on the great things you have in your present moment. (Learn how to get over a broken heart).
#3. Stick to your routine
Continue to eat healthily, sleep well and exercise. If you don’t already do these things, now is not the time to start a diet or major exercise program, but a simple plan of walking a little bit every day or making meals at home rather than eating out can give your body a chance to handle the stress.
#4. Support your kids through the divorce
If children are involved, try to keep your relationship with them as normal as possible. Especially try to stick with routines you established before the divorce. Remember that kids face daunting challenges every day.
Adults never remember how scary growing up is and how much kids rely on their parents to be there for them. How can they look to you for support and security when you are completely wrapped up in your own problems? (Find out how compatible parents are with their children).
#5. Don’t vent your anger around them
Don’t fight with your ex around them. Don’t ask them to send messages back and forth between you and your ex. Don’t fight about them. If children perceive they are the subject of disagreement, they will feel responsible for negotiating the solution. Children have no idea what’s going on. They just know that their world blew apart, and they feel extremely insecure. (Find out if your child is suffering from depression).
#6. Learn something positive
Take some time to honestly assess what went wrong in the relationship. Don’t put all the blame on your ex. You played a role as well. Your goal is not to have a judgment party and decide you’re a complete loser. The goal is to learn from the experience.
Understanding your role in the breakup can help in your next relationship. A better understanding of yourself may even help with current relationships. For example, if you see that you put your job ahead of your marriage a lot, then maybe you’re putting your job ahead of your kids, your family and your friends as well. This is something you can change right now for the better. (Get tips to dating a single dad or dating a single mom).
#7. Listen to others’ advice but stay true to yourself
Lots of people have been through divorce and even those who haven’t, have been through romantic breakups. So everyone will want to share with you how they got through it and they’ll advise you to do what they did. They may advise drinking binges, sex binges, shopping binges, travel, staying home, or getting your hair cut.
They may share their philosophies on love and life and encourage you to adopt them. In this swirl of advice, take a gut check and see what feels right to you. Everyone heals differently, so what works great for your best friend, may be harmful for you. Thank them all for their advice and then follow your own path.
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