10 Things Your Mom Never Told You About Love
What kind of relationship do you have with your mother? Do you talk about everything like besties, or is there an unspoken category of topics you do not discuss? Mom never told you about love because she thought you would have figured it out or never had the need to share it with you.
An extroverted mother may tell you everything about herself or her opinions about all of your questions. Depending on your personality, you may listen to every word or wish she would stop sharing so much information. She may push you to date the gorgeous stranger at the grocery store or tell you about her sex life before she met your father (or even with him!).
An introverted mother may be more “old school.” She may be more uncomfortable talking about relationships and love. It’s not that she never found her true love, but she still sees you as her child. You may be an adult but never had “The Talk” about sex and relationships. Any attempt may be so awkward that it is never revisited. Even mothers who are not introverts can have this problem. In some cases, their mother was the same way.
Many people are in between when it comes to conversations with their parents. Maybe you do talk about the positive and negative aspects of your relationships. However, you may be well into your marriage, tell your mother about something troubling you, and find out that she had a great answer or solution all this time.
If your mom never told you these things, don’t give her a hard time or be troubled by it. Your world is different today than it was for her. Maybe she never faced these issues or doesn’t have enough information to bring in her years of experience in life and love. However, it’s time to give her a break and consider five things to which she never told you or didn’t have the answer.
What Your Mom Never Told You About Love: Easy or Tough
1. Love is not as easy as others make it look
One would think that love is easy because there are millions of books about love and relationships. At the same time, there are millions of books about how to repair your love life. If you look to your parents to model love, they may have been the kind of couple that made it seem flawless. They held hands, and they kissed each other in public. It may have looked easy, but the facade may have been solid.
During the early years of relationships, couples find it easy to give their love and attention to each other. As the years go on, the responsibilities start piling you, making it more challenging to find that happiness easily. Some parents are quick to yell at each other in times of stress. Those who make love look easy may have had many closed-door discussions that only come to light long after the problem has been resolved. There may have been a time when money was too tight, or the divorce was discussed. It was easy on the children in the house, but they didn’t learn how difficult times can be until they experienced them.
2. Your dad was never Prince Charming, but she made him her prince
Not every dad looks like the Hollywood celebrity dads, but that is not why your mother married him in the first place. Some moms tell you about that magic moment when they knew he was the one. Have you ever asked?
So maybe he didn’t come with a royal title and a kingdom’s wealth. Maybe he looks more like Average Joe than Prince Charming. When you are in a relationship, you may look more at how he makes you feel than how he makes you look. When you are confident in your feelings for someone, that rubs off on your partner. He doesn’t need a crown to feel like a prince.
3. There were many times that she wanted to leave
When you are a child, you may seek your parents for security. Some parents leave because they can’t handle all of the responsibilities. That doesn’t mean that they never wished they could leave everything behind. There may be too much focus on what they do or too many responsibilities and not enough appreciation from her partner.
Mothers don’t always share their adult thoughts with their children. They may share their feelings with their best friends or the ladies in the organizations where they volunteer. Anyone who has been through the same issues as your mother understands that feeling and the guilt. Children would feel like they will be abandoned while other mothers can relate to and support them. When the going gets tough, remember that many stick it out more than they thought.
One More Thing Your Mom Never Told You About Love:
4. You may move on, but your heart will always remember
Statistics show that less than 20% of the population marry their high school or college sweetheart. What does that mean? It means that most married couples went into their nuptials with some relationship baggage. Your mom may have kissed a lot of frogs to find her prince. She may have seen him after a rough breakup. Even though you are no longer with your ex or exes, your heart still remembers the connection.
Does it mean that you are still in love with them? Most likely not. Your heart remembers the warmth and feeling and excitement. It may come around more when times are stressful in a relationship. That little bit of love and lust could have been the stepping stone to a better relationship. Whether it was the best or worst of times, you won’t forget them easily. However, your mom will tell you that there are many memories to make with the one that you chose to spend the rest of your life with.
5. She would rather you be single and happy than married and miserable
Denial can come easily, especially when the truth will cause you grief. Some mothers want to see you married and starting a family right away. However, no one wants to see you in an abusive or loveless relationship.
Were the supermoms of the 1950s in a happy relationship doing all the housework and raising children? Did they have the same love relationship as today, or was it a marriage of social convenience? Women and mothers have moved away from that stigma with their higher education and full-time jobs. Your mom will not want your personality stifled if the man is the only one to call the shots. If you feel that divorce is in your future, you may find that your mother is more supportive of the idea if she knows that it is the best option for your mental health and happiness.
As mothers get older, they are indeed a font of information. Sometimes the advice and stories flow freely. Other times, you need to find an appropriate time to ask questions to understand how similar your ideas are. You may not want to be exactly like your mother, but they may have the advice you need in your own relationship.