Why Are People Shy?
We often hear about people being shy. We roll our eyes and agree in sympathy. Yet many of us have gone through college, gotten qualifications, jobs and even settled down with partners.
For someone who is truly shy this is all either very difficult if not near impossible. For a genuinely shy, introverted person just meeting someone new is a stressful situation. Imagine when they go to a new college or workplace!
As for dating and romantic involvement shy people literally shy away from this. They are not confident, do not have the boldness, the drive even that other people have. Instead they may see potential rejection or ridicule from any would be partner.
So they tend to take less risk, stay in their safe comfort zones fearing to step outside their unknown activities or environment. This article is written primarily for those people although others may pick up a few tips for being less shy.
Now we have established the two ends of the spectrum for shyness, lets now look at the extreme case where the person is basically very introverted in personality. How can you overcome their severe shyness? Here are a few pointers.
10 Ways To Become Less Shy
As for succeeding in anything in life, overcoming shyness can best be achieved by imagining yourself going through the process of a situation, facing a crowd, entering a room and having complete confidence. You need to do this many times and also prior to the potentially shy inducing event.
#2. Be Kind
Be kind to yourself. We are all not hugely confident, bold, assertive, loud, extrovert personality in life and we might all take a sigh of relief and say “Thank goodness”. While these highly energized people can be inspiring they can also be very emotionally demanding and tiresome at times.
The world needs it’s fair share of quieter, more thoughtful, introverted, yes even shy characters. Otherwise no one would ever do any reflecting or inventing probably!
So when you might get flustered in a social or work or college situation don’t be too harsh on yourself. Everyone yes even the loudmouth sometimes has issues with shyness and confidence! They are often just better at masking their insecurity and shyness.
In fact many people I know over compensate and come across very extrovert yet would admit they consider themselves extremely shy especially when they meet someone for the first time!
Add to this that person you admire and want to talk to may even find shyness an attractive quality, it can show humility and a thoughtful person. They may not want to compete with another loud extrovert besides themselves.
The best way for you to gradually get less shy is to be gentle on yourself and gradually push the limits of your comfort zone.
#3. Extend Your Comfort Zone
Gradually push yourself to go to more events, varied where you will get exposed to a wider variety of people. This will help to ease your shyness as you find more in common with a wider range of people.
It will also mean that when you go to other events you will find those people easier to talk to than before.
#4. Smile More
Practice smiling and looking confident in front of a mirror. Act like you are confident. A lot of people with strong poise and confidence in this world started out doing exactly that. They role played how they wanted to feel and then became that very thing, confident and not so shy.
#5. Be Friendly
Go with another person to new events, this will give you some support while also encouraging you to reach out beyond your comfort zone just a little at a time. When it all gets too much you can revert back to your friend who may be glad of your company when you return.
#6. Read About It
Read up as much general knowledge and keep up to date with the news. Beyond the weather, it is always good to be up to date on current affairs. Also have some hobbies to discuss.
Often when we are confident in the subject matter we will lose any sense of shyness. Try it next time you are at a function, talking about your favorite hobbies to a stranger. Ask them theirs to and delve into what they like about the hobby.
If you find yourself about to have a near panic attack due to shyness, stop a minute, take a few deep breaths or a few sips of water. Then get your thoughts collected, tell yourself inside “Keep calm, you are doing good” and continue staying put in the situation.
You will find the wave of panic or anxiety associated with the shyness will pass and you will get more confident for having faced up to it. Often with any anxiety in life it is the reaction to the fear, not the actual fear itself. If you face it and stand strong it will get easier.
If you are doing a presentation or a talk and you are nervous or shy, admit it, joke about the shyness saying you have never been with so many people in such a little room. Humor is a great ice breaker for you and for them.
#9. Join Groups
Join groups and go to places where other shy, introverted people go is a good home remedy for shyness. When it comes to like-minded why not mix with some people who you immediately relate to? You may even find you are more extrovert than you thought which will bolster your confidence.
Besides there are many shy and introverted couples and friends in this world. They are sometimes content being this way so that is one option. Perhaps even when you start getting less shy you stay in contact with this group as a balancing act.
Shy and introverted people can be very stabilizing while all around their louder, extroverted often more dramatic peers are gesticulating they are quietly doing their same thing. This is not a bad thing at all and you may decide after trying hard to overcome shyness and finding big groups are not for you that you want to mix with other shy people.
Go to museum groups, writing and book clubs and hobbyist clubs. These will of course have extroverts so this will open up your circle of friends. But more easily than going to one of those how to lose shyness groups, you know the one where everyone tells a brief life history, what they hope to achieve out of the group and everyone claps at the end!
This may or may not be for you. Give it go though. Essentially you go to a social group (international groups exist globally) and you do speeches. Each speech gets a bit harder. You get confidence in meeting with a group, talking, presenting a speech and all round social events.
So hopefully now you feel more accepting of your shyness, realize that whether you choose to live with it or change it, either way you are fine as you. There is nothing wrong with you. Millions of other people have started out shy, even the most famous of actors, actresses and politicians.
If you do want to become less shy I hope that the above methods will help you break out of that shell and surprise everyone with the inner you!