How to deal with relationship regrets?
Who has never regretted something they have done or failed to do? I think it’s safe to say that each and every living, breathing creature with a working brain either has or will have regrets in life, no matter how big or small they are, especially about their relationships. Read on to know how to deal with relationship regrets.
Most people think regrets are unavoidable, but why? The optimist would say, ” Nonsense! I am certain there is some way for us to avoid regrets. Why wouldn’t there be? Nothing is impossible. We create our destiny.” I say, “Do we?”
Logical Explanation to Flaw in Humanity
The only logical explanation we’ve heard a million times before to explain any flaw in humanity is simply,” No one is perfect, and everyone makes mistakes.” Right? This advice has been handed down from generation to generation dating back to the beginning! Christians blame our imperfect world on “the devil” and his manipulation of “Eve,” the first woman in that infamous story involving the very first couple in the world, known as “Adam and Eve, in the garden of Eden.” Let me catch you up for those of you who have little or no knowledge of this tragic story.
Adam was the first guy the Christians believe “God created” or made. Adam was lonely so, God made Eve to keep him company. “That’s sweet,” one would think however, Eve messed everything up by breaking the ONLY rule God gave them, and so both of them were punished as well as all of mankind for the rest of the history of the world!
Wow! If anyone regretted it, I think it would probably be Eve. Although others would argue that Adam was the one with the most regrets, after all, he did say he was lonely! It’s only fair to assume that if he hadn’t been such a crybaby, Eve would never have been in the garden to ruin everything to begin with.
Either way, Adam and Eve surely must have had some huge regrets. How in the world do we as humans move on after making mistakes that turn into regrets? That’s a tough question.
Dealing with Relationship Regrets: Tips and Tricks
Everyone’s minds function differently. We all have our own ways of processing information and finding the answers that help ease our minds so that we can hopefully sleep at night.
My method of finding answers to the craziness in life is, first, considering all things that influence the situation. I try to see things from every side of the issue, starting with my personal experiences and opinions, then the scientific and/or the physiological information connected to my question, as well as the psychological and emotional effects that lead to the final answer. In other words, my thought process always involves much more than my own biased opinion. My way of problem-solving is only one possible way to deal with life. This brings me to the question of the day. What are the eight ways to deal with relationship regrets?
My favorite place to find all definitions is in” The Urban dictionary.” This modern-day dictionary is not only entertaining when comparing its colorful definitions to the dry, traditional definitions of the Marriam Webster, I find that it “keeps it real,” as modern-day Americans say.
What is Regret?
According to the Urban Dictionary, Regret is associated with feelings of sadness, shame, and guilt. It is the most painful and horrible thing a person can EVER experience because the pain lasts forever, and the mistakes can not be taken back or reversed. Did I mention that the Urban dictionary is sometimes a bit dramatic?
As a very single middle-aged woman, I must admit that the most hurtful regrets I have are the ones associated with my past relationships. Why didn’t I marry him? What would have happened if I had chosen a different man or had followed a different path, or if I said and did something other than what I chose to say or do? There are always so many questions about what if… The fact is, I went down the path I chose and expressed the feelings I honestly had at the time, not knowing what in the world was going to happen next, leading me to where I am now.
An interesting thing that I discovered during my search for the truth is that there is a whole scientific field of research dedicated and focused on the how, what, where, and whys of regret. I was astonished when I realized the many effects that feelings of regret can have on people. I suppose I took it for granted and dismissed the subject as something too common to give a second thought to, but now I see that I was wrong.
Deal With Relationship Regrets in a Positive Way
Regret is one of the most powerful negative feelings that people can have. Yet, articles in “Psychology Today,” claim that it has been rated more favorably than not favorably due to the amount of information we gather from making mistakes that help to motivate us to correct our past behavior and improve our lives. The theory and best case scenario are that by making our mistakes, we learn, gain insight, improve our ability to take opportunities, and understand the world better to avoid future negative behaviors. I must add that in a perfect world, all of our regrets would benefit us. However, as I previously said, many people do not know how to deal with the regrets that follow failed relationships.
These people experience a large amount of self-blame that causes stress and physical effects on their minds and bodies. This article is for people stuck in their self-blame. Here are the 8 ways to deal with such relationship regrets.
1. Start by forgiving yourself
Most of us are so much harder on ourselves and the way that we self-judge than we could ever be on others. You deserve to care about yourself. You need to see yourself as a person who is worth being forgiven. This is one of the most important steps in healing from your mistakes and learning how to deal with your regrets. If you can’t forgive yourself, you won’t believe that anyone else could ever forgive you.
2. Let it go!
It sounds easy enough, but it is the second most difficult thing to do on your road to freedom from looming regret. Think of it this way; If there’s nothing that can change the situation and there’s nothing you can do about it, what’s the point of holding onto the hurt and regret? Choose to let it go because it is only after you can that you will be able to move forward with the rest of your life. If you don’t let it go, you will be “stuck” in the same place in your life possible for the rest of your unhappy life.
3. Stop thinking that it was all your fault
Do not refuse to consider what was going on in your life at the time that influenced the behavior leading to your regret. Many cultures have arranged marriages that hand over a large part of the “control” to the couple’s family, de-emphasizing individual choice and taking some pressure off of the relationship as there is less of a basis for blaming each other for negative outcomes. We tend to focus on what we did wrong in a relationship rather than remember why we reacted the way that we did and what the other person did wrong to assist in causing the reaction that we had. Sometimes, we miss the other person so much that we romanticize the person in our minds. And, we choose to forget how much of a jerk they were to us. Couples ruin relationships together, not by themselves.
4. Accept your current situation and decide to make the best of it
As I’ve said before, you can’t turn back time. We all wish that life had a “Delete” button like the one on a computer keyboard. Unfortunately, it doesn’t, so hold your chin up and accept it. Change your attitude and focus on the positive things in your life. This will, most of the time, scare off the negative energy floating around in your personal space.
5. Quickly find someone to replace the other person in the lost relationship or rebound.
Even though this might seem a bit cold, and some feel it will never help, it’s great therapy! Men have a greater tendency as well as find it easier to do this than women. A Study sighted in “psychology today” showed that 44% of women have romantic regrets about past relationships, versus 19% of men. There is a positive method to the madness of the guys who move on quickly. They rather not wallow in the chronic stress that comes from being stuck in the same place their ex left them in. Makes sense. Way to change things, guys!
6. Evaluate all of your relationships and try to restructure your life
Remove unsupportive or “fake” friends, and distance yourself from family members who cause stress. Stop dating people who smother you or stop you from being who you are. Free yourself so that you can be proud of your choices in life and who you choose to have in it.
7. Strengthen your ability
Focus on the things that you can control because what you “should have done” is now irrelevant. Learning to move on and change your focus is difficult. But it is a valuable skill that all of us can benefit from mastering. This skill has been proven easier for adults past the age of 66 than adults who are middle-aged or younger. Once this skill has been learned, it empowers us to take positive action instead of falling into a cycle of shame.
8. Always remember that nothing in life is permanent
Actions end good and bad situations. Life takes surprising turns for the best and worse. So, please try to appreciate everyone and think in the moment you live. Most of all, try to be as happy in this life as you can possibly be, my friends! We only live once. Make it count.