7 Tips for Surviving the Blow Out
Every couple will fight, but those who do it right will have their fight, get over it and get straight to the make-up sex.
Their relationship will be stronger in the end and their fights won’t tear them apart. Incorporate these rules into your fight nights to make sure one disagreement doesn’t unravel your whole relationship.
#1. Take your time
When you’re both upset, take some time to breathe and get away from the situation. The initial flush of emotion can make a small disagreement seem disastrous. Time away gives you some perspective. Then give each other the time to work the issue out. Even if you’re still angry after your break, sit down with your soul mate without distractions and take the time necessary to work through the issue. If you can’t talk about it yet, let your spouse know, and put off the discussion until you can. But don’t put it off indefinitely. You need to face it or it’ll fester.
#2. Don’t muck up old hurts
When you’re feeling hurt or mad, your emotions may push you to find evidence that justifies them. Often we respond with feelings that are out of proportion to the issue at hand, so we find other reasons for why we feel so bad.
This can lead to bringing up old wounds or already resolved issues. We bring them in to validate our emotions, but they just undermine the trust we have with our partner. Old and resolved issues are off the table. Don’t bring them up just to hurt your husband or wife. Accept that your feelings are what they are, and they don’t need justification. Then focus on the argument you’re having now and nothing else.
#3. Don’t sling insults
Anger can also make you want to just lash out at your partner. It can be very tempting to call names or make harsh judgments, but this effort will make one simple argument much more hurtful and powerful than it should be. Take the high road, and remember that this horrid monster in front of you will soon turn back into a human that you love.
#4. Try to diffuse the tension
If you can, release some of the dark emotions with some simple humor or a tender touch. For the humor, don’t make fun of your spouse. Even if you do often tease each other, this is not the time. Instead, quote a funny movie line or remind your mate of a friend or family member who makes you laugh. You can make fun of yourself also. If humor isn’t working, try just sitting closer, putting your hand on their knee or leaning your shoulder onto theirs. These little touches recall the deep, loving relationship you two have and give you a little perspective on whatever it is you’re fighting over.
#5. Be honest and listen
Admit to yourself that even though your spouse is a crazy person, they might just have a point. Give your opinion and then listen to your partner’s feelings. Work together to come to a compromise and accept that a compromise is a good outcome. You don’t need to have your way completely and you don’t have to give in completely.
#6. Follow through on your agreement
If you resolve to behave differently going forward, follow through on your promise. If you forget and your mate reminds you, don’t take offense, just adjust and go on. Don’t agree to a change just to end the discussion. If you can’t follow through on changes you both agreed to, something deeper could be wrong. You might consider a couples counselor.
#7. Keep your fighting private
When you and your partner disagree, there’s no one else who needs to know or weigh in. Children especially shouldn’t be audience to your fights. And if the fight has anything to do with the kids, keep it far out of their earshot. Family and friends just don’t need to be in your business. The disagreement is between the two of you and the resolutions should be as well.
So go ahead, put on the gloves, and get in the ring. There’s nothing wrong with a good honest fight. Just be sure to do it with respect and consideration for each other. Then you can put that heart-pumping adrenaline to better use during the make-up sex.
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